Zoltan Kaszas is an unqualified soccer coach – Dry Bar Comedy

Zoltan Kaszas is an unqualified soccer coach – Dry Bar Comedy


I have a younger brother. We’re 13 years apart. Just kind of… kind of have like a father-son dynamic going on a little bit. ‘Cuz this is 13 years, it’s quite the difference. Like when he was nine, I coached his youth soccer team, which was kind of weird. Uh, because I wasn’t trying to be a coach. I was just trying to drop him off for the first day of practice. And they’re like, “Well you’re in luck. We don’t have enough coaches.” And I was like, “What? What does that have to do with me?” (chuckle) It’s very easy to become a coach. Like, I didn’t like how easy it was. They’re like, “You’re in.” I’m like, “You don’t want to Google me? Like make sure I’m not like a red dot on your laptop screen first?” Like, “Nope, here’s the ball, there’s some kids, have fun at the park.” I’m like, “Wow! There should be more to this than that.” And I told them. I’m like, “I don’t even know anything about soccer.” And they’re like, “Don’t worry. Here’s a little 20-page pamphlet. Everything you need to know about coaching youth soccer.” You know it was not in the pamphlet? What to do in case one of the kids craps their pants. And it happened. And I’m flipping through the booklet like, “Nothing, nothing, not even a suggestion.” I don’t know what to do. I got a bunch of nine-year-olds jumping around going, “Jeremy crapped his pants!” And I’m over there like, “I don’t know, don’t pass it to him. I don’t know what to tell ya.” “Take it easy on the high-fives, I don’t know what to tell ya.” “We’re gonna go hose him down, it’s gonna be a team effort.” “It’s gonna be nice, let’s- let’s all get together.” It wasn’t in the pamphlet, what’d you want me to do? I had to wing it. I wasn’t a good coach. I didn’t know any of the rules. All their games are on Saturday mornings at 7 AM. I was like, “Really? These kids don’t play in prime time, ever?” There’s no Monday night soccer, like. It’s too early for me to coach! We actually had a good team. We went all the way to the championship game. We didn’t win, but we got all the way there. It had nothing to do with my non-coaching. We had two Mexican kids that were unbelievable, they really were. My only job as a coach was to make sure the eight other unathletic white kids got out of the way of Miguel and Jose. That was my only job. That was my only job. I was like, “Hey do you guys want to win? All right, well when you see these two coming down the middle you part like the Red Sea. And you let them work their magic, okay?” “Those kids are playing for contracts, and you guys are playing ‘cuz your parents don’t want to watch you two days out of the week, so.” It’s try’na to win something. Subscribe to Dry Bar Comedy for even more of the world’s largest collection of clean comedy.

Antonio Breitenberg

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29 thoughts on “Zoltan Kaszas is an unqualified soccer coach – Dry Bar Comedy

  1. Down to Our Last Song says:

    You have that commercialized-jesus-look…. ^^
    You are funny.

  2. Jade Kim says:

    I wonder what conditioner he uses. I'd like to be funny and have great hair as well.

  3. Bob Bob says:

    Give this guy a Netflix special!

  4. Nicole A says:

    I love this but I can't watch during class I just end up making a bunch of muffled snort noises

  5. Maryam Mirza says:

    This guy is one of my fav comedians. He deserves a Netflix special 😀

  6. Thomas Drummond says:

    Well, that was funny, but it was only clean because he made fun of the white kids.

  7. GreyMatter121 says:

    It's only considered "clean" comedy because he made fun of white people, which is the last socially acceptable demographic to take pot shots at. If he made fun of the Mexicans in his bit, SJW's would be down voting this video in mass, and calling his material "problematic".

  8. Its Wuzgood says:

    Took that soccer bit from the will ferrel movie

  9. LIBqueen says:

    Love you Zoltan, I really do, but when are you going to address the elephant in the room?
    When are you going to talk about Jesus, Zoltan? Let me know…I'll be waiting…

  10. Eydee Carganilla says:

    Zoltan is now my fave stand up comedian.💜

  11. Brian Brewster says:

    Zoltan is funny because he tells things the way they are.

  12. Denise John-Carroll says:

    Is that from kicking and screaming? Lol

  13. Kooshan Hatami says:

    The new Louis CK

  14. Nicole L says:

    Don’t pass it to him! 😂

  15. SuperKay92 says:

    Russel peter joke is all about race and accent,
    Kevin Heart is more about cursing,
    Trevor just copycat

    hey, they still make me laugh,

    but this guy jokes is clean, and so funny. this is a talent

  16. Kia828 says:

    Lmbo, he's right. I was a soccer coach and I'm paraplegic. I was like don't you need to at least be able to kick to even play the game,. Lol, nope guess not 🤷🏽‍♀️

  17. Throbbin So Hard says:

    the face at 2:36 …

  18. AmazingLilith Jjang! says:

    this is my favorite comedian! <3

  19. 85nikki96 says:

    Thank you for your hilarious, true, respectful humor that we can all identify with. And no swearing is so refreshing. Where have you been???

  20. Vincent Productions says:

    clean comedy is gold< it takes effort and skill + i can watch it with my nephews and nieces haha.

  21. Jessica Milestone says:

    My Sister is 14 years older than me.

  22. Lilla Strobel says:

    I guess you are Hungarian, so you are a natural born soccer pro :D:D:D

  23. Brian Fong says:

    It's Keanu Reeves's twin.

  24. Shiahian says:

    " Part like the red sea" LOL

  25. Vanessa Llontop says:

    “Those guys are playing for contracts, you guys are playing because your parents don’t wanna see you” 😂😂😭🤣🤣🤣

  26. puttputt524 says:

    I’m surprised how easy it is to teach. I mean, I have a credential but it’s amazing how long they let you work with kids before you get your paperwork.

  27. Ebony Offor says:

    Hes hungarian lol no wonder xD good job

  28. Pierre Francia says:

    I love Zoltan’s HAIR OMGGG♥️😻😻

  29. Melanie Saucier says:

    Funny!!!!!!

  30. Andres Suarez says:

    That was so hilarious. Oh man.. haha

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