“The Tonight Show,” everybody. Thank you so much
for being here. It’s a good show tonight.
Great show tonight. Chris Hemsworth is here.
-Yeah! [ Cheers and applause ] -The Jonas Brothers are here!
[ Cheers and applause ] I love those guys.
I love Chris Hemsworth, too. When I talk to him, it’s like
I’m looking in a mirror. -Really?
-Yeah. That’s how I feel. You guys, everybody is excited
about the World Cup and the U.S.
Women’s National Soccer Team. Did you see that?
[ Cheers and applause ] Whoa! That game was amazing.
They beat Thailand, 13-0. [ Cheers and applause ] People in Thailand were like, “How could you do this
after we made your uniforms?” You know… You got to
feel for Thailand, though. It’s a tough way
to start the tournament. It’s the worst thing to happen
to a Thai soccer team that didn’t involve
getting trapped in a cave. And… Guys, millions of people
tuned in to watch the women’s team, and
down in Miami, a bar offered
a special promotion to get people to come watch
the game with them. But, in hindsight, I’m not sure
it was such a good idea. Watch this. -American Social —
that’s the name of the bar — offered free shots
for every U.S.A. goal. Oopsies. -13 goals. Oh, my gosh. Then the Thailand goalie —
Thailand’s goalie was like, “What’s the big deal? I did a shot
after every goal, too.” We’re keeping up
with each other.” Forget Thailand. The real loser yesterday
was every Uber driver in Miami. I mean, please. Let’s get to some
political news. Today, everybody is talking
about a new national poll that just came out that shows
how President Trump would do against
the top Democrats. Take a look at this.
Yeah, Trump’s behind everybody. Actually, I just heard
right now he’s even losing to the Thailand
women’s soccer team. -Really? Really?
[ Cheers and applause ] -Unbelievable.
But it’s true. Everybody is already
talking about these polls, and as we all know
from the past, polls do a great job predicting
what really happens. -Clinton is leading
Donald Trump, nationally, by 9 points, 52-43. -Yeah, so if you want to know
how much these polls matter, just ask
President Hillary Clinton. So you’ll see. Yes.
These polls matter. Well, meantime,
out on the campaign trail, Joe Biden and Trump have been
trading insults all week. Trump’s been saying that Biden
is too old to be president. Well, reporters asked Biden
about his age and stamina. Check out how he responded. -Look at him and look at me
and answer the question. -A Biden staffer was like,
“Okay, whose turn is it to remind him about
personal space? Okay. Your turn? My turn?” Can we hear Biden’s voice again? -Look at him and look at me
and answer the question. -Is he trying to become
president or Batman? [ Deeply ]
“I’m Biden. I’m Biden.” [ Normal voice ] Well,
between now and the election, there is still a lot to keep
the president busy. Today, I saw that Trump met with
the president of Poland in the Oval Office, and
Trump talked about his speech that he gave last time
he went to Poland. Take a look. -I could say it,
but I don’t want to say it. But some people said it was
the best speech ever made by a president in Europe. But I did not say that.
I’m just quoting other people. -Oh, God.
-Oh, goodness. He was like,
“Now, look, you know me. I would never brag about myself. I’m just a very successful,
long-fingered billionaire.” But in that meeting,
Trump said that he’s sending more troops to Poland. And get this — the Polish
president actually said that they should call the
U.S. base Fort Trump. But Trump said “no,” because
that’s the name of the blankets stretched across between
two couches in the Oval Office. I saw that Trump’s also
been talking with France lately. French President
Emmanuel Macron sent him a new friendship tree, after the one that
they planted together died. For this tree, Macron also
sent a note that said… We have a great show tonight.