Sledding Shirtless

Sledding Shirtless


Edgar: Hello. Paul: Hello. Edgar: We’re going sledding today. Paul: Up a big hill. Edgar: Paul Paul: Yes? Edgar: Enough with your fascination with little girls. Paul: heh. Anyway. Paul: We have our friends Jonah and Caitlyn with us. Edgar: (faintly) Say hi guys! Jonah: Hello Paul: So we actually didn’t have enough sleds, so I made one out of cardboard and a construction bag and duct tape. Hopefully it’ll work alright. Edgar: Jonah get it in camera. Paul: Yeah there it is right there. And some string for the handles. Paul: Ow ow. Edgar: Oh god. Paul: I pulled my nerve. Edgar: Oh no. Oh God. Ah! Edgar: [yelling] This is fun! Oh Shit! Hahaha! Paul: Holy Fuckity Fuck Edgar: No, No! Paul: Look out child! Edgar: No Child! Paul: Look out child! Child: Ah! [Paul and Edgar scream] so we did it but here’s what’s up Look at my hands… um Edgar: there’s my hat Paul: I’ll go. I’ll go get your hat. Paul: There goes Caitlyn Edgar: There’s Caitlyn and Jonah. Edgar: sliding down a thing Edgar: S-L-I-D-I-N-G….first comes… Edgar: there’s Caitlyn. she hit a thing Edgar: [laugh] Edgar: NO! Don’t put snow on the goddamn camera! Edgar: This doesn’t look safe…Uh, Paul, there are children. Paul: That’s okay. Edgar: Paul! Paul: What? Edgar: There are children Paul, watch out, Paul! Watch out! Ah! [Paul and Edgar scream “no” and “shit” repeatedly] Edgar: I SAVED THE CAMERA!! Paul: NICE! Jonah: Going down a hill, shirtless. Paul: Ready? Jonah: Kudos if we fall, I ain’t runnin’! Caitlyn: Can we just like take all their clothes and run? Edgar: You can. Edgar: You can, you can push it down a hill. Caitlyn: [laugh] [Child in background screaming very loudly] Caitlyn: First penetration. Edgar: Can’t wait. Caitlyn: [Gasp] Random Guy: Look out behind you! Alright come on go out and get your stuff quick! Random child: I HIT THE BUMP! I WAS THE ONE WHO HIT THE BUMP! ow… Jonah: It was nice until I hit the jump. Edgar: Paul is now giving me a sleigh ride, No not into the camera! Ow… everything hurts right now. uh, ow. ugh. Edgar: Caitlyn, what happened to you? Caitlyn: I feel like I have a concussion. she feels like she has a concussion. Jonah: Little shit, made a little hill and. We just went right over the top of it and everyone… Paul: And Caitlyn sprouted wings. For like, for like, two seconds. Paul: and then they disappeared. Jonah: she flew
Edgar: And then when we were at the bottom we were standing to make sure Caitlyn was okay And then a child…I, I’ll show you what
happened Edgar: a child going around, how, how many miles per hour would you say? Paul: Like, 15. Edgar: going about 15 miles per hour. Edgar: Hit the bottom of my legs and uh Edgar: well my legs were no longer on the floor and then Paul got hit. Paul: mmm, yes but that kid apologized to me Edgar: like five times! Paul: The other kid that hit Edgar… …Just walked away. Edgar: Just walked away. Paul: And I think Edgar got a lot more injured than me. Edgar: Much more injured! like you just kinda stumbled and fell I flew upwards and then just… Jonah: Oh yeah the guy who hit you was definitely going way quicker..Like it was just Jonah: Boom. Thud. Ass. Ground. Paul: Demolition. Jonah: Just for the record, I mean, I feel like all three of us saw him coming and just didn’t say anything. Caitlyn: What who hit Paul? Jonah: No who hit Edgar. Caitlyn: Oh, no…I saw…Paul’s comin.. I saw mine coming…and I was like.. Jonah: You were like no no no no no no… Edgar: Shit.

Antonio Breitenberg

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