Jellyfish Sting Pee Paramedic (ft. Gus Johnson) – Mini-Mocks

The only thing scarier than
getting stung by a jellyfish is having nobody to pee on you.
Well, that’s where I come in. My name is Vince
Amico and I’m a jellyfish sting,
piss paramedic. Most people just call me Piss
Boy, though. At first, some beach goers were
a little uncomfortable with my method of treatment,
but as soon as they get stung they quickly warm up,
partially because of the pee. I might not be a trained
professional per se, but I would say that my passion
for pee easily rivals that of any trained lifeguard. Stay in your lane, Kyle.
Stay in your lane! During the busy season, I usually treat about
four cases an hour, so it’s very important
that I stay hydrated. I’m drinking water
every hour on the hour. I also set up a little reservoir
so none of my pee goes to waste. Piss Boys require
sniper like precision. The conditions … Oh my God!
please piss on my right now! Oh my God! They’re just so variable,
they’re not always perfect. Lean in. yep, lean in.
okay, there you go. Needing to pee has never been
a problem for me. I have had problems with other
people not needing me to pee, which is tough.
There is usually one guy who is always requesting
my service, Tony. There was another one,
he got me right in the mouth! Piss boys get
such little respect. You guys need any pee, whiz,
stuff like that, here’s my card, here. Just go away. Got It. We are like
volunteer firefighters, except we are fighting
the burning sensation. Plus my hose is way bigger. Of course, when I’m not
peeing on someone, I’m training and geez, I’m not
even peeing for fun anymore. Plus, I constantly
have to watch what I eat. If a patient is
particularly shy, for example, we do offer a more privacy
based option. Of course, they will
have to endure a few extra seconds of pain,
but it’s worth it in the end. I am more of a precision
based shooter myself, so for some of
our more serious cases, we’re calling in
the heavy artillery, Piss Girl. Her full body spray technique ensures that no sting
is left behind. We’re just trying
to save lives here. Or at the very least,
save your day at the beach. And like every job, you know,
Piss Boys aren’t perfect. Sometimes I get caught
in the line of fire. You do not want to see me
get pissed, well, piss on myself,
you don’t want to see that. If I were God or Christ himself, I would just eviscerate
all the jellyfish. I hate them. Hey, I’m Gus Johnson. I took over Comedy Central
this week and I made a lot of stuff
with them. So click on the bubble
or the boxes, wherever they are, please.
This is a call to action. That’s what influencers say.

Antonio Breitenberg

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