Brewstew – Soccer Coach

Brewstew – Soccer Coach


Alright, so not too long ago
my fiance and I decided to be soccer coaches Cause let’s be honest, I make a great goddamn
soccer coach for the bunch of little kids There’s only one little problem with this We don’t know shit about soccer But the good thing is
that we teach a bunch of 4-year-olds They don’t know shit about soccer either I’ll just teach them the three things
that I know about soccer And make them just figure out
the rest on their own “Alright, you guys… You guys
know how to kick stuff, right?” “I kick the shit out of my
little brother all the time” Now, well, perfect! You’re practically
a soccer player already! So we have a few practices to figure out
what kind of skill sets these kids carry For instance, we have little Mario on our team His trademark is that he likes to jump
over the ball when it comes to him Try to explain to him like:”Mario,
your ass is not gonna get out the Wheaties box..” “If you keep leap-frogging
the goddamn soccer ball!” He was also really good at pointing out
any airplanes that were in the sky He’d just stop right in the middle of practice Point up at the sky: “Oh, airplane, airplane!” “It’s great, Mario, but it’s not about
to crash into this goddamn soccer field” “I can’t really give two shits
about that airplane” Now get your little air traffic controller
ass over here and kick the ball Poor kid was just really excited about airplanes He just wanted to share it with the world “Holy fuck, look at that airplane in the sky!” “Is this not a big deal to you, people?!” We also had two girls on the team,
that were sisters They wouldn’t step foot on the soccer field,
unless they were holding hands with each other So they’d be out there, hand in hand,
like they got a game of Red Rover going on somewhere They’re clotheslining kids left and right “Hey, why don’t you guys
try playing by yourself?” “Because I don’t do shit “Because I don’t do shit
WITHOUT MY SISTERRRRRRRR!1!!” “Okay! Alright, whatever” “Holy hell, take some xanax, you psychopath” So our first game rolls around And if you think handling one team
of 4-year-olds is a lot to handle Try having two teams out there It was pure chaos We got kids out there doing cartwheels and shit Players kicking the ball into their own goal “God damn it, Billy! You are bastardizing
the sport of soccer!” All the parents are looking at us, like: “Hey, asshole, what kind of circus show is this?” “What the hell have you been teaching our kids?” They would kick the ball out of bounds The referee would blow the whistle They just totally ignore it, keep on going *Blows the whistle harder* “STOP, WAIT A MINUTE!” *kids giggling* *Blows the whistle even harder* *kids giggling* We’d have kids trying to pick
the ball up with their hands In the first couple times they do it,
you try to explain it to them nicely “Ah, sweetheart, you can’t pick up
the ball with your hands, you don’t do that in soccer” But then after repeating yourself 5000 times
you’re just getting sick of it, you’re like: “God damn it, Billy, if you pick that ball up
with your hands again..” “..I’m gonna chop your balls off with a machete” *all the parents gasp* “Ha-haa, haaa…She’s just joking,
we don’t have a machete, I don’t think” “AAAAAAAAAAAA111!1!” Now, there are only so many
4-year-olds playing soccer So every weekend we’d play against the same team And there was one kid on that team
that would pretty much score all their goals But the thing is, he was like a foot taller,
than everybody else on the field “What the hell, how old is that kid out there?” “Somebody check his birth certificate,
I’m pretty sure we graduated highschool together!” The kid had like stubble on his face and shit He’s out there smoking a cigarette like:
“Alright, let’s hurry this shit up!” “I’ve got to pick my kids up
from daycare in the half-hour” So we pretty much watched him
beat the hell of our team for the whole game It was especially bad in the second half Because by the time
the third quarter rolls around Nobody wants to play soccer anymore, they want
to go home and do whatever kids do these days “I just want to eat fruit roll-ups
and watch weird-ass spiderman videos on youtube” We’d have kids laying down on the field Billy’s over there, digging in his ass crack “God damn it, Billy!” “Your great grandma
made it out here to watch you today!” “Her ass has emphysema,
she’s only got so many days left” “You think she wants to spend them watching you
fiddle with your asshole all day long? I don’t think so!” There’d be one kid crying on the field
at all times, it seemed like Like it was in a goddamn rulebook He’d just be sitting down,
having a mental breakdown Their parents are taking
pictures of them and shit We’d have a coach on one knee,
trying to be a mini-psychiatrist “What are you crying for,
you’re four years old, for Chist’s sake!” “Wait till you’re old like me,
and you get a divorce” “Then you got to sit at home
every night by yourself” “Eating hungry man TV dinners,
just waiting to die” “Get your ass up and play some soccer!” And then out of nowhere, the referee
blows the whistle and the game is over Everyboby gets some Goldfish And a pacific cooler CapriSun All the coaches are all stressed-out I run out to the parking lot,
slam six beers down while nobody’s looking “Alright, team, that was a good game!” “Billy, you scored three goals today,
but they were all in our own net, so way to go!” “Mario, you pointed out four airplanes, and one
helicopter, that’s a new FIFA world record, alright!” “And ladies, well, you clotheslined a kid,
and broke his collar bone, that’s pretty sweet too!” “I expect more of the same next week,
go, team go!” https://brewstew.com Special thanks to: Chas McQuillan, Innovation Pro,
Cameron J, Vinnie Pretet, Marcus Johnson, Special thanks to: Bobby Luu, Wesley Rocco,
Steven Meekel, Matthew Dodd, Kevin Scannell Special thanks to: James Walker
& All the other patrons! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew https://teespring.com/stores/brewstew
https://facebook.com/brewstewcom https://twitter.com/brewstewfilms

Antonio Breitenberg

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100 thoughts on “Brewstew – Soccer Coach

  1. Matthias Borremans says:

    football

    because you are actually not allowed to use your hands and obliged to use your feet…

  2. PAJI says:

    Fifa 20leaked trailer

  3. Lennybro66 says:

    Everybody: SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE!
    India: SUBSCRIBE TO T-SERIES!
    Me: Subscribe to Brewstew

  4. Isabella Hammack says:

    love your outro.

  5. Tofuu says:

    Counting airplanes and helicopters ha s
    Nvr been a recd

  6. Scruf You later says:

    They want to go home and watch you

  7. nugget nugget says:

    2:20 pause "i'.m going to chop your balls of"

  8. MediumBurrito21 says:

    I love your vids your super funny

  9. Ethan Turvey says:

    Woof

  10. jaime garcia says:

    Pelé the greatest soccer movie

  11. badinfo 7878 says:

    I can imagine him as a father.

  12. Russell Lauer says:

    Archie Bunker Park.. Do you watch all in he family?

  13. Cade Brady says:

    *chants go team go* and *falls with beer in hand*

  14. Maddie Hawk says:

    Eat my ass nigga reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  15. Stale memes Studios says:

    WHEATIES

  16. Memey says:

    Of Course EVERYONE Is Gonna Know Péle a Legend From Brasil

  17. Schiller Memestar says:

    1:06 New York citizens on September 11, 2001 (colorized)

  18. M2a2t2t2e2o2 W1h1i1t1l1o1c1k says:

    0:18 hey that movie (the big green) was filmed at my school

  19. Redeem_DeltaRyZe says:

    0:24 I kick the shit out of my brother all the time” 😂😂😂

  20. Lewis says:

    Wow never knew there was third quarters in soccer😂🤦🏻‍♂️ 2:57

  21. Random Fanart says:

    "Goddamn it Billy!" -Brewstew

  22. The Network says:

    Yeah i was the airplane guy, joining the Air Force now

  23. Marcos says:

    The 3rd quarter 😂

  24. Logan White says:

    3:08 SO FUCKING TRUE!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  25. Dylfish says:

    Messi
    Mess
    Mes
    Me
    M
    Ma
    Mar
    Mari
    Mario

  26. Sourish Gopal says:

    One hell of a soccer team!!!!!

  27. DOG WOOD says:

    A 4 year old is better than me at football

  28. Annie Kinser says:

    You have a machete watching girl the machete what's your goal

  29. iixRexK says:

    When he said Xanax, that made me have memories of my brothers girlfriend running over my dog who’s only 2 years old.
    She took like 60 pills.

  30. Joe Sgro says:

    When is brewster going to get 1 mil subscribers already he deserves it

  31. Ham Burger says:

    Fifa 19 creators

  32. Bag Head says:

    That girl needed some cigerets and zanex

  33. Joshua A says:

    Tell Mario to play basketball dude got hops

  34. Jamie Hill says:

    Wow more uploads

  35. Miller Blaylock says:

    My dad coached soccer. One kid always showed up in a spiderman costume and would only answer to 'Spiderman'. As a soccer player of 9 years watching that team was painful.

  36. Brodogg 515 says:

    R-rated odd1sout

  37. Ernst Jünger says:

    It‘s cold football or realy Fußball

  38. GIBLING GD says:

    I wish i had soccer coaches like that

  39. ριχlgυи 1964 says:

    Mario was my class m8… and he “bullied me”

  40. Staley Uris says:

    My parents are fighting

  41. NATO Warsaw pact says:

    Wait i remember going against brewstew

  42. Muaaz Ibn Zayed says:

    People on mars see this crap

  43. McLaren Mercedes Deniz says:

    CDM defensif midfilde CB centr back RB right back LB Left back CM centre midfiyde CAM ataking midfyde LW left Wing ST goal animal RW right Wing sorry for the bad english

  44. Henry and Dan says:

    Why does mario sound like Michael I mean I know brewstew Voice
    S him but then like Tommy’s voice
    Edit : sorry this comments confusing

  45. Team Fury Official says:

    Oh look!! An airplane!!!

  46. Tes Bergman says:

    When I was 4 this was, not kidding MY team I loved to point out airplanes just that I'm pretty sure I was in Iowa when I did it

  47. Ash Ash says:

    Soccer? Oh you mean FOOTBALL

  48. JHVlogs says:

    Alright, you know how to kick stuff alright
    Alright let’s get playing alright
    Alright you guys are practically soccer players alright
    Brewstews teacher

  49. Knight Gaming says:

    1:44 2:18 3:13

  50. Beanos Bean says:

    Mario: OOOOH LOOK AT THAT AIRPLANE

    Airplane: drops nuke

    Tyler: 🙂

  51. Zubair Hassam says:

    “ 3rd quarter “ 🤦🏻‍♂️

  52. Jackson Young says:

    2:13

  53. skinn3rtank says:

    I would be the Pep Guardiola of youth league

  54. ITACHI UCHIHA says:

    PP hurt

  55. FloDextO says:

    Bro I’m sitting at home with a broken collarbone and holy shit you make my freaking day with these vids

  56. You Cam#101 says:

    Ha ha lol

  57. Mohanad Gaming YT says:

    I really want to be in that match and play

  58. IcyDaze says:

    2:40>2:45

    😭😭😭

  59. Peanut Butter says:

    I love this channel so much

  60. Mihai Oprisan says:

    It’s called football not soccer!

  61. Alloygame Softer says:

    3:07 my little cousins in a nutshell

  62. Bambi 3095 says:

    Aeroplane btw

  63. anime fangirl says:

    1:23 be like calefla and kale from dragon ball super

  64. sapphire moonlight says:

    lol

  65. Minitrain says:

    Gawd dammitt billy

  66. Minecraftgod219 says:

    3:35 WTF🤣🤣

  67. Da Kringy Kidz says:

    Wait a sec hold on…

    AIRPLANE!!!

  68. Mya lisa says:

    I'm new subby and I just have to say this man is very funny I know this year late but I'm just getting caught up 😄 and also god dang it Billy stop digging in your butt 😂😂

  69. boom boom says:

    😛

  70. swaggy t says:

    3rd quarter lol

  71. Ready Fs says:

    3rd quarter lol

  72. Nicky Takahashi says:

    Football*

  73. no says:

    I love me some fifa trailers

  74. Lars-August Andersson says:

    Why can't ordinary people play like that? 😂😂😂

  75. NoCoolNameJim says:

    I feel called out.
    Because I do that airplane thing

  76. John Doe says:

    😂😂😂

  77. William Dominating says:

    Go team go while drunk fall ha ha

  78. Niko Kemmeren says:

    I was in soccer and i was the tallest person in the team and games but the kid on another team was about the same height as me so it would be me and him neck and neck kicking each others balls for a living what a time to be alive

  79. Brenplays says:

    3:24 I didn't know i was in this video!!

  80. Leo Johns says:

    Alright

  81. W&S says:

    Being a soccer ref, this is so relatable😂

  82. Leo Johns says:

    I agree with the kid with yellow hair. I kick the shit out my little brother all the time.

  83. Nle Choppa says:

    Lmao I watched all of ur vids 🤣🤣🤣

  84. Dre The Kidd says:

    And 15-20 years later, well have Mario's animation channel with a video about his soccer coach.

  85. Douglas Zahn says:

    “Because, lets be honest, I’d make a great goddamn soccer coach!”
    Proceeds to explain to us why he was a terrible soccer coach.

  86. K1N6 GH0st says:

    3:10 I'm dead

  87. crazy cereal foreal says:

    I played soccer since preschool im in sixth grade now and my name is Mario and I used to jump over the ball

  88. Luke Cyr says:

    Punt the puppy

  89. Bic Mac says:

    2:28 I know that machete it’s from l4d2

  90. Blu Laza says:

    Get ur fiance to voice herself

  91. Elk Master says:

    I literly used to be that tall kid I was all ways taller than anyone we played in soccer but I live I in Tennessee.

  92. micro disrespect says:

    Luigi look a plane ✈🛩🛫🛬

  93. dog lover says:

    2:20 turn captions on its better

  94. Blueeye Guy says:

    🙂

  95. hell boi says:

    1:30 tell that to my ex

  96. DISTURB_EXOTIC says:

    True about the YouTube spiderman shit 😂🤣

  97. vicci walford says:

    Mario thinks the ball is a koopa shell to dodge

  98. Sandro Gelashvili says:

    Those two sisters are like kadie and sadie from total drama

  99. Rory Snow says:

    1:40 damn that’s some impressive animation

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