Balto – Nostalgia Critic

Balto – Nostalgia Critic

[Nostalgia Critic Opening] [soft music plays] Little Girl: Wow! So this is where all the Nostalgia Critic
episodes were filmed years ago! Aunt Despair: You got it, bucko. They kept everything the same to preserve its history. Look at all the reviews that they did. There’s Shrek. There’s Schindler’s List Saves Christmas. …And that one. But this, this is what I really wanted to show you. Little Girl: Is that the DVD from the Balto review, Aunt Despair? Aunt Despair: Yep. And I was there when it was shot. Little Girl: *Gasp!* You mean it’s a true story? Aunt Despair: Based. It’s based on a true story. Little Girl: Wow! Would you mind telling me the tale, Aunt Despair? Aunt: After I have a sip of my storytelling sauce. Girl: Oh, the same sauce that makes you
good at slo-mo leapfrog with men? Aunt: Our story begins on the Nostalgia Critic
sitting down at the desk he normally does. NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic.
I remember it so you don’t have to. Let’s talk about a little film called “Balto”. (Calming guitar music plays) Despite it doing poorly with both critics and box office, the film eventually found success on home video, leading to a ton of VHS and DVD sales. So, I guess it got the reputation of the
not really little film that not really could but turned in a profit eventually anyway, so.. Table scrap sequels for all! Based on a true story, it covers a dog sled that has to race against time to get medicine to a town full of dying children. Even though it’s gathered a nostalgic following, we should still ask “does the film really hold up years later?” Whether it does or doesn’t, we’re not gonna get any movies about heroic cat sleds, are we? Deranged Cat: Hey! I resent that! [Laughs] Cat: HAA! Little Girl: Wait a minute! Wait a minute. There’s talking animals in this? Aunt Despair:Sure, why not? Girl:I thought you said this was a true story? Aunt:Based…based. Girl: Did you just hallucinate that there were talking animals? Aunt: It’s possible. I just added nicotine patches to my
daily smoking, so I’m feeling a little queasy. I’m gonna lay down. Girl: But what about the story? Aunt: Okay. Are you gonna shut up or are you gonna
keep being little Miss Youtube Comments? Girl: Okay. I’m sorry. Aunt: That’s better. [coughs loudly] That’s a good high. Anyways, the Critic started his review… NC: Let’s take a look at Balto. So, this animated story about a dog racing across Alaska opens with live action people in the middle of New York. You sure we didn’t put on
Professor Sprout Visits the Muggleverse? A woman and her grandchild
are looking for a memorial site as she decides to force the kid to sit on a bench
for an hour and a half while she tells the story. Movie grandma:”In the cold winter of 1925…” “It was snowing hard.” NC: “Things were animated back then.” “I dare even say, with a Spielberg vibe.” We see Alaska’s portrayal of “Ben Fur”. [crowd booing] As we’re introduced to our half wolf,
half dog hybrid: Balto. Played by Kevin Bacon. He’s also joined by a goose played by I think Bob Hoskins’s drunken rants
from the Super Mario Bros. movie. “When will you learn to stay on the sidelines!?” Aw, it’s his best Russian accent since
Enemy at the Gates. “Stalingrad.” They’re watching a sled race led by a dog named Steele, who is so mean that literally every frame is
determined to convince you he’s pure evil. “Get out of here, wolf-dog.” “You better get back to your pack.” “Well, maybe your taste runs more toward wolf…” “Jenna, join me for dinner…” I’ve never seen a bad guy where every second he’s moving in some sort of obviously diabolical manner. “You were the fastest…what?” “Oh…” [bones cracking] “Most villains have some normal everyday movements, but 24-7 this guy is like: “Would you like some ice cream?” “You can trust me!” “I’m oozing with pleasantness!” Every angle is evil except for maybe this one that… that looks like a girl’s t-shirt from an Anime Con. But look at this, even when he’s turning around
he looks evil! “I’m sorry, Balto. Balto the halfbreed.” [jeering] “Oh, you want me to turn around? Okay!” “Yaaaahahaha!” “Oh, you want me to do it again?” Everybody mocks Balto for being a hybrid. The humans are afraid of him
and the dogs think he’s an outcast leading to probably the film’s most poignant line. “Not a dog. Not a wolf.” “All he knows is what he is not.” Wow, that was actually pretty heavy. How are you gonna follow
something as complex as that up? [clicking and squeaking] So, that just happened. Oh, there’s also Bob Hoskins doing the goose step. “Hey!” “Hey!” So at this point, you’re probably wondering
where does the comedy in this kid’s film lie particularly with the goose? Is this Lego Batman good or are we in Nut Job territory? Well, let’s look at the chart. Nostalgia Critic: Yes…yes…
Damn it! Just annoying enough! They’ve entered the Sinbad Zone! Oh, there’s also these…I think polar bears though they look more like moogles if they ate Chien-po. And to possibly make things worse,
they’re voiced by Phil Collins. “We love you, Uncle Boris!” Oh, christ! Not a musical. Oh, you are a kind movie. So, while having fun at beautiful o’ clock
and presumably striking a trailer pose, Let me see here…yep! That’s some compressed enchantment. Bad news seems to be rolling in. [clicking and beeping] Nostalgia Critic: “Movie lagging. Need story.
Send disease. Preferably child-killing.” [ding] There ya go! A horrible epidemic seems to be sweeping the town as Rosie, the woman telling the story shown here as a kid, is being comforted by her dog, Jenna,
played by Bridget Fonda. [coughs] “Rosie! Come on, you’re gonna catch
your death out here.” Nostalgia Critic: “Come and catch it inside,
it’s a stronger visual for younger viewers.” Jenna: “Hi.” “Hi.” “Rosie’s in there.” “In a hospital? Why?” Balto, of course, has the hots for Jenna but
she’s too distracted by what’ll happen to Rosie. “I know how to find out, come on.” Based on a true story. If your dog can’t do that, he’s stupid. Doctor: “Looks like diphtheria.” “And I’m out of antitoxin…” Balto: [whispers] “Jenna!” “Jenna, I’m sorry!” Nostalgia Critic: “You know
I’m voiced by Kevin Bacon, right?” “And I like eating bacon.
So that’s like…two degrees of me?” Thus a dog sled race will be done to determine
which dogs will go out to get the medicine. …Which you’d think they’ve figured out
from the races they just had. Time’s a factor here, guys. Of course, though, Balto enters himself in. “Do you honestly think any Musher
would ever put you on his team?” “You’re even more mixed up than I thought.” HA! Joke’s on you. Years from now they’re going
to name a Shaquille O Neal movie after you! “–as long as the medicine gets through.
Stop being such a glory hound!” “You’re a hundred percent right, Jenna. I-I…
I wasn’t thinking about those children.” Nostalgia Critic: Good Lord! It’s like his face has ten different personalities
and they all eat children! “I’m gonna fold you five ways… and leave you for a cat toy!” “Then you’ll be a part of awkward punchlines like THIS!” [squeaking] “SHAAAME!” So, while Indiana Jones starts his winter vacation, the dog sled, led by Steele, travels through the snow to get the medicine. [train whistle blows] Nostalgia Critic: “This is the Polar ‘Not-Goin-Anywhere’!” “Please hand over your one-way ticket to diphtheria.” “Maybe we should go back! We’re lost!” “I am not lost!” Yeah, you know, dogs really are the worst with directions. It’s like when I let my dog drive. Alright, just back out nice and smooth. [loud explosion] Wait a minute! He let a dog drive? I guess. This true story of yours doesn’t
seem to make very much sense. Why would anybody let a dog drive? Shouldn’t it be the human who’s doing the driving? Look, I’m telling this story to a kid, of course, I’m gonna take some creative liberties because I think you’re dumb. How much of your story is actually true? The Critic continues his review,
-Oh, my god. talking about when one of the dogs gets the bad news. [barking] “It’s terrible, my friends. Just terrible.” “I speak bark.” “Which I thought we were all speaking,
but apparently not.” It looks like the sled is missing in the storm. Well, okay.
I’m sure a slight delay won’t be a major issue– OH GOD!! Sh*t’s getting real man! I’m just assuming the other coffins are for Tiny Tim, Little Match Girl and Full Metal Alchemist spoiler! Don’t act like that can’t happen!
There’s dogs in this world! Sugar-fried Jesus, what do you
follow a scene like that up with? “When you are big frozen stiff statue named Balto,” Nostalgia Critic: Oh, yes. The comedy stylings of characters you’d much rather eat than listen to. This seems totally appropriate now. “I am beginning to understand the bear!” [clapping] Oh, what a shame this isn’t a musical. Could you see Phil Collins obnoxiously explaining in song what doesn’t need to be explained? [music] [sniffs] “I smell boyfriend material.” “Balto…” Jenna figures out Balto’s going to
find the sled and deliver the medicine. He marks his trail by scratching the trees because a… dog and wolf’s sense of smell would just get him lost. as we see Stelle’s gang is in big trouble. [screaming] Nostalgia Critic: “I call it! Let’s eat him!” “Come on, you act like you
never ate human flesh before!” But our heroes come across the biggest threat in animated movies: a bear! [roaring] Nooo! Don’t you know they ruin animated films now? Open Season, Brother Bear, Brave, Norm of the North, Their destruction knows no rewrites! Speaking of which, even as black bears go,
that is a pretty damn black bear! Did he bathe in ink after swimming
through oil from a lake in Sin City? He’s so black, his blood is coffee! But Jenna saves the day as
they lead the bear into the ice. [loud splashing] Nostalgia Critic: “That’s right! Return to your home planet, whatever species you were supposed to be!” Muk: “Jeronimo!” Nostalgia Critic: There ya go!
Go save him, polar bears rather than fight the… other bear that you should technically be bigger than. Is this like when Pluto’s on a leash but
Goofy can walk around, we just don’t question it? But Jenna damages her leg, so the comic “relief” take her back while Balto moves forward, eventually meeting up with the sled. “I’ll get us back!” “I’m the lead dog! I’m in charge! “Two bones says Steele takes him.” “Heh. You’re on.” Gambling dogs, this must be
Michael Vick’s favorite scene. Phew! Had to blow the dust off that one. But Steele wants the glory, so he fights Balto
despite him not fighting back. Thank God kid’s films favor passivism,
because Steele falls off a cliff mid ass beating. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead, dead dead. Oh, I mean totally alive. But even with Balto leading the way, Steele still manages to stop the medicine from getting to dying kids. “Go ahead wolf-dog!” “You’ll never get home!” “How about over here!?” [scraping] “Whoops! Wrong way!” Holy sh*t! What is wrong with this character!? This is a village of kids that are going to die! Bad dog! BAD DOG! “I’ll show em.” “I’m also gonna create three new
cancers as soon as I get home!” So Balto, as well, loses his way
but is determined to move forward… …right off a cliff. [yelling] Well, it’s all okay now–oh, spoke too soon. “Look out!” Well, it’s all okay now– Oh, good Lord! Gravity was nicer to its main character! Both the movie and the concept! Meanwhile, back at the village, the others try to figure why Balto went looking for them. “He’s tracking them.” “–tracking a championship team in a blizzard?” [laughter] [laughs] Kids are dying still, you gotta laugh, don’t ya? [laughter] But Steele makes it back. He tells them the false story about how
Balto tried to sabotage the mission ending up with the other dogs getting killed. “I went on…dragging the medicine alone. All alone.” “Balto…he demanded I let him take the medicine!” “But couldn’t handle it!” “He…made me promise to take care of you, Jenna.” Wow… This guy is such an obvious, yet evil, liar,
he should probably get a job at the White House. [crowd chattering] “The other dogs died and I was the only one left. PERIOD.” “Also, the race I was a part of had the largest audience to ever witness a dog sled race. PERIOD. “But sir, we have eyes…” “YOU’RE EYES ARE WRONG!” “It’s an alternative bark!” “But Melissa–,” “Stop calling me that!” But Jenna doesn’t believe him and knows that Balto is still out there trying to get the medicine for poor Rosie. [music] Rosie: [wheezing] Hey, do you have any nicotine patches? No, and what they hell are you doing here? Well, I’ve been coughing up a lung on your couch I figured if I was light headed, I wouldn’t mind so much. Why are you sleeping on my couch? It’s a nice couch. GET OUT OF HERE! Okay. DUDE! That’s your only contribution to this story? Just laying in bed and coughing? Maybe. How did you know that any of this was going on then? You weren’t there, you didn’t see it and the
majority of it sounds unimpressively made up! Look, kid, what am I supposed to say here? “And then I looked at the ceiling longer.” “And then I coughed 87 more times.” I’ve got to embellish. Is any of this story true!? Come on, is it so hard to believe that I was lost,
passed out and annoying people? I guess that’s a good point. Speaking of which, go get me some gin from the fridge. I’m gonna see how many shots it
takes to forget your name. Hey guys! You want to meet me, the Channel Awesome Team and see the premier of one of our reviews on the big screen? Well you can! On May 3rd at Hollywood Boulevard
Theater in Woodridge, Illinois We’ll be premiering our clip-less review of
Suicide Squad. This is one of the best movie theaters you’ll ever go to. It has memorabilia, themed theaters, food, alcohol, relaxing chairs and of course us! We’ll be signing autographs in the lobby at
7 PM and start the show at 9 and we’ll even do a Q&A right after. Tickets are 20 dollars and you can get them at link below at Show does require the purchase of a food or drink and we will verify purchased tickets at the event,
and hand out your printed tickets there. Guys, we’ve never done this before,
so we have no idea how fast tickets are gonna go, so, best get them as early as you can. Come say hi, enjoy the show
and hopefully, we’ll see you there! So, Balto is separated from his team
and still has the medicine but comes across– [orchestral music plays] Kimba the White Wolf? [howling] Nostalgia Critic: “Welp, that’s all I got.” “I went all ‘roooo’ man. To us, that’s like brain surgery.” [howling] So, apparently, that gives him superpowers
to drag the medicine up a cliff. How do you think Grandma explained that? Nostalgia Critic: “And then the god
of the wolves came or something…”
-“Wait, what?” “And then they howled at the sky, making Balto physically stronger, I guess…” “-I’m not following any of this…” “And even though that wolf could’ve helped pull the sled or give directions, he just kind of disappeared and was never seen again.” “Grandma, are you off your meds?” “They make me catch the gay!” So, the team is back on track
as Balto uses his nose to find the way. Why didn’t he just use that before? Is that like a weird prejudice too,
dogs don’t sniff to find stuff? “How dare you use your nose!?” “Don’t you know what disgusting
animal you’re sounding like?” “Toucan Sam.” But because this film loves to punish all signs of hope, it tries to toss them off a bridge. Followed by an avalanche. Oh, come on! [suspensful music plays] [rumbling] The moral of the story is “nature sucks,” kids. Don’t play in the snow, it’ll someday fight back! [loud crashing] Hey, you know what’s missing in this scene? A Phil Collins song. They get trapped inside a cave where the movie
reminds us that Spielberg produced this film. “Oh…” “I’ll be right in my legal authority to satirize this property.” But, if that two seconds of
levity was overbearing, don’t worry, because giant killer icicles are after them now. [crashing] [explosions and yelling] Oh, look! The medicine crate has a crack in it too. [glass crashing] “FUCK YOU!!” They should call this movie They do eventually make it out though as Jenna reflects some bottles that apparently light up the entire town which Balto would have plainly seen anyway,
so it was kind of pointless. “Balto’s back!” [howling] Ooh…and a meteor hits him. I’m so sorry, kids. Life just didn’t like this dog.
Nature is kind of like God’s hitman. But news reaches Steele about Balto’s return,
which pisses off the rest. Steele: “Okay, okay… I can explain.” “You guys weren’t there, so you don’t…” “Wait, guys! Wait, just a second…” “Oh, come on!
I was trying to do a reverse Cruella De Vil!” “You know, an evil dog that
wants to kill a bunch of little kids.” “I will be on someone’s Best Villains List!” The medicine is received,
Balto gives a hat made from his brethren and Jenna gives him the equivalent of dog frenching. Well, this is such a joyous occasion,
let’s give Balto absolutely no lines what-so-ever! Yeah, I’m not even kidding. He doesn’t speak in the last 25 minutes of this movie. They cut his dialogue aside from an occasional word like “Oof!” or “Ahh!” The other dogs get a lot of lines, but for
whatever reason, Balto is almost completely silent. Then again, that might be for the best. With everything they threw at him, his dialogue
probably wouldn’t be very kid friendly. Nostalgia Critic: “Ah, shit!” “God damn it!” [loud rumbling] “Seriously, did I run over a leprechaun?
What is with the bullshit bad luck!?” Girl: “This is it, Grandma! Blaze found it!” So, Rosie’s story seems to be over as they find the monument dedicated to the dogs that made that journey. “-in the winter of 1925.” “Balto really did do all of that, didn’t he, Grandma?” “Oh, yes, sweetheart. He really did.” I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. Come on, let the kids have their “true story.” -Okay! Balto…facts. You’re not gonna like it. You’re REALLY no gonna like it. [clears throat]
Balto did not run the longest nor
most hazardous part of the journey. The most dangerous and
longest run was led by a dog named Togo driven by a musher named Seppala. In fact, there were twenty mushers of
varying dogs used to make the journey. Balto just happened to be the last one,
so he got the majority of the credit. While Seppala and Togo did the hardest work,
it was Balto that got all the fame. Even from President Calvin Coolidge. In fact, there was such a hatred for
Balto getting all the credit that him and his owner- -weren’t even welcome to the award ceremony
in New York for Seppala and Togo. This was all BULLSHIT, wasn’t it!? Well, there was an incredible review
done entirely by the Nostalgia Critic. -Ah, there it is. [gasps] About time I film this sucker. Wait a minute! Nostalgia Critic is still alive
and he hasn’t even filmed the review yet!? Well, no…Random Kid. I was just about to,
but I had to get the script from my brother. You see, I was sick,
so he wrote the majority of it this week. Oh, my god… So, we’re not even in the future, are we!? You’re a special kid, aren’t ya? But what about the text that says we are? Oh, that’s just my satanic arts. [creepy choir music plays] You lied! You lied about practically everything! Okay, look.
Maybe everything didn’t happen like I said, maybe credit was given to the wrong person
and maybe like 98% of what you heard was false. But…did you have fun? I guess. Was it corny but beautiful at times? I suppose… And did you know anything at all
about these dogs saving kids before I told you? Not really. Well, then! For pulling most of this out of my ass,
I’d say we had a pretty entertaining time. Well, I never thought of it like that. Hey, Critic, what did you think of Balto, by the way? Basically, that. Oh, wow! Maybe there’s more truth to fiction than I thought! -Actually, there isn’t, that was just a huge coincidence. Speaking of which, why did you
bring her here, to begin with? Oh, I just wanted to leave her here
so I didn’t have to tell her that both parents died from double erotic asphyxiation. [silence] Well, that backfired. She’s all your, Critic! What kept you!?
-A child’s mind is very delicate. Floor it! [engine roaring] [sniffling] Don’t worry, I know a certain long faced, balding big toothed comedian who would love to take care of you. Oh… [yelps] Nostalgia Critic: She’s all yours, Chester. Oh my god! I’m a mother! [crying] [Nostalgia Critic theme song plays] Steele: Well, maybe your taste runs more toward wolf. Hey, Doug Walker here doing the charity shoutout. And this week, we’re doing ‘The One Acre Fund’ This organization empowers chronically hungry farm families in East Africa to lift themselves out of hunger and poverty. They supply small holder farms with the financing and training they need to grow their way out. They invest in farmers to generate a permanent gain in farm income. That means they provide a complete service; bundles of seeds and fertilizer, financing, training, and deliver these services within walking distance of the four hundred thousands rural farmers they serve. They measure success in their ability to make farmers more prosperous and they always put the farmers first. If you go to their YouTube page, you can see all the various people they helped in the past and if you go to their site, you can how YOU can help them in their mission. Click on the link and see how you can grow something truly special.

Antonio Breitenberg

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100 thoughts on “Balto – Nostalgia Critic

  1. Channel Awesome says:

    Come see us at Hollywood Blvd, Woodridge, IL on May 3rd, 2017 for the premiere of the Suicide Squad Nostalgia Critic review, Autograph signings, and a Q&A after with the whole cast! Grab your tickets here before they sellout –

  2. Matthew XProductions says:

    Oh wow is this the nostalgia critics corlurps no because he cant die

  3. Isaac Wilson says:

    7:40: Split in a nutshell

  4. Kanati says:

    Now I can't get that thought out of my head and I want 50

  5. Hessed3712 says:

    The end was so good.

  6. Astro Wolvez says:

    I'm suprised he knows what a moogle

  7. MegaMr JIN says:

    Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit shit. Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit 18:06 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  8. Wes Megginson says:

    23:16 how I would have reacted to seeing the sequel to Balto

  9. Henry Olguin says:

    I think the movie implies the white wolf is his dead mon… dad? I dunno, Disney.

  10. Justin Graves says:

    Is balto like Neil Armstrong? Despite needing a whole team her the only one we know

  11. avargemissy rodgers says:

    Balto 3! please with movie awards on top?

  12. avargemissy rodgers says:

    NC: I wonder how you follow that up?

    cat toy Scene: meep meep!

    Raptor in a suit: Waaaa Waaaah!

  13. Michael Molzan says:

    Evil dog was perfect. I love it. I want more super evil villains like him.

  14. R S says:

    Movie….lagging. Send….disease. Preferably….child-killing. LOL.

  15. Drew Reviews says:

    I remember watching this while I was waiting for teachers to come in the cafeteria which they had a tv on and that’s it.

  16. Bryce Cox says:

    Aunt despair

  17. Jason Wolfgang says:

    I loved this film when I was 5

  18. Gunnar 03 says:

    Hey nostalgia critic's this is what I have to say about this movie review 🖕

  19. jaxon Kuhn says:

    Can you do a review of balto 3

  20. latina_fangirl says:

    Random fact: I've never seen this movie in English. Cartoon Network only showed the Spanish version in my country when I was a kid.

  21. DarkNinja4452 says:

    This was my favorite movie growing up and it's still now for me I love this…hope theres a third movie and yes there was a sequel.. just found out there's a 3rd movie…cool

  22. Kasey Kitten says:

    "Little mrs.Youtube comments"…i'm gonna use that next time-

  23. Alex Jewett says:

    I never new the "true story" of balto before

    Nor did I know how much I dont care

  24. Trey TV says:

    Steel in the White House killed me 🤣

  25. Josef Mengele says:

    7:57 insert Indiana Jones theme music here

  26. Garrett Gates says:

    You can’t say that Phil Collins isn’t a bad singer

  27. Christiaan Bothma says:

    I actually liked this movie

  28. Brenyatta says:

    PETA: Please treat all animals with respect, and refrain from killing them, to the best of your abilities.
    the character Steele exists
    PETA: Okay, we’ll let you kill this one.

  29. Forgotten Arctic says:

    Go ahead critic…ruin my childhood memories…I dare you.

  30. AncientOneProductions says:


  31. AncientOneProductions says:

    Superman 2

  32. AncientOneProductions says:

    supewrman unbound

  33. LilKronk92 says:

    I about lost my shit with the Saving Private Ryan clip.

  34. Kevin Mitchell says:

    Review who framed roger rabbit

  35. Mindsplosion says:

    everyone has they're own opinion on the movie and review but can we all agree Aunt Despair is the best character?

  36. Angelina Albano says:

    I freaking loved this movie when I was a kid. I thought it was such a sweet story but I did doubt the whole " true story " thing. But yeah, it was a great movie with a nice yet sad story line. I loved this movie so much when I was younger. But yeah, that whole Phil Collins part when you sing that song was too fucking funny though. Also, I can't believe that they animated coffins for the little kids, that was brutal and really fucking sad. That traumatized me as a kid dude. But anyways, thanks for reviewing this movie cuz like I said, it was and is one of my favorite movies. I thought this was too freaking funny especially the part with the Phil Collins song, hahaha. That part cracked me up.

  37. Angelina Albano says:

    Yeah he was an asshole, but I thought Steele was a gorgeously animated dog. Just beautiful. I mean, I couldn't stand his attitude but he was a gorgeous dog. And yeah, true story????? Hahaha, really though????? Um, I think not. Maybe some of it might be true but definitely not most of it.

  38. KingRichardIII says:

    The most frustrating thing about this movie is the real story was much more tragic. pretty much as Balto gained fame after the children were cured it split the town in two. some haled Balto as the hero while others favored another dog called Togo. as it happens the driver of the sled with Togo was the town's dog breeder and Balto's original owner. out of shear jealousy the dog breeder took ownership of balto from the guy that was keeping him and sold him to a freak show in Los Angeles. eventually a charity saved him and the other sled dogs and they lived the rest of their lives in Cleveland.

  39. Yuval Cohen says:

    I've seen this movie in English Class 2 years ago, because we learned about Balto. My classmates immediately hated Steele when they saw him in the beginning.

    But when he fell off a cliff (11:50), the entire class started CLAPPING.

  40. Darreyl Henderson says:

    My mother told me as a kid that the white wolf Balto saw was one of his Mother. LOLZZ

  41. Kingmiami says:

    5:40 "Just annoyinh enough"

  42. daftoptimist says:

    “Not a wolf, not a dog — All he knows is what he’s not.” Damn, that line IS good.

  43. Appcty Epic says:

    Yup, it was bullshit

  44. Splender Bender says:

    23:16 when you stub your toe

  45. Owl Payson says:

    I like this movie…

  46. Joshua okoro-sokoh says:

    11:19 They should be three times bigger.

  47. Dóczi Rebeka says:

    The end of this video was fucked up. Not the last minutes.

  48. P r i s c a says:


  49. KuroOokami167 says:

    Great review and all, but I am curious of something: What's with the Phil Collins bashing? Do you really not like him or is it just that you feel very strongly about your "show don't tell" stance on movies? I mean, I get that having the characters sing gives you more variety, but is it really so different? In a standard musical the characters would sing about what's happening and what they feel, so why's it so wrong that Phil Collins does it, instead? It feels a bit more like a music video that way to me, sort of like Fantasia in a way. I suppose Fantasia gets you to think more as there's hardly, if any, dialogue or vocals that directly speak out a message, so you're left more to yourself to infer and interpret what you see and hear. Still, does adding lyrics really make it that painful? If Phil had a more annoying voice, like Barney or Elmo, I could understand, but I honestly enjoy Phil Collins' music and songs. Having him musically narrate Tarzan didn't bother me, though I suppose I should watch the film again. Maybe I'll spot the problem then, I don't know. Still, it seems like a harsh critique, even though I know it is a joke. The way I see it, Phil's singing allows for more visuals to be shown rather than waiting for the character to get into position to sing. You can absorb more of the environment and watch more action packed scenes. Come to think of it… don't Belle and the Beast do this during their duet? Their lips don't really move, if at all that I recall, and we hear their inner monologues of how they feel about the other. Meanwhile, instead of them singing we get to absorb scenes of their chemistry as they grow closer together and discover more about one another, which is what the song's about. Huh… it's like they were singing about what was happening in the scenes, which is what you seem to berate Phil Collins for doing. So, again, why is it so wrong that Phil Collins does the same thing just for other characters rather than as a character? Phil even uses first person pronouns like "I" and "me" just as the characters would. I guess it doesn't really allow the cast to show their own musical talent, but he still sings a good song that pertains to the situation, which the characters probably would sing in the same way. "Son of Man" would probably change up its pronouns were it sung by Tarzan, but it wouldn't be too much different. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad or super upset about this whole thing, but I am curious as to why the joke is there and what makes it funny. I guess explaining it would ruin it, but I just want to understand it. You're always educating us about what makes movies and shows work and what doesn't, so I'm just really curious as to how and why Phil Collins seems to be such an annoyance for you.

  50. Astro Wolvez says:

    What's weird is that the relay race was how they got the medicine to the town.

  51. Astro Wolvez says:

    The only thing this movie gets right is how balto's sled team lost the medicine and had to find it in sub zero temperatures.

  52. HetalianOtaku710 says:

    For whatever reason I feel like Steel is Loki's dog form.

  53. ThatOnePotato says:

    Im surprised you didnt mention the deleyed Steele death scene

  54. Parker D says:

    OMG I AM A MOTHER! *made my day

  55. lorenzo stortoni says:

    This is like the 6th or 7th time that I watch this video, I don't know why.

  56. rodylermglez says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that Steele is very hot? Anyone? >w>

  57. jindo5 says:

    Considering Balto is half wolf, and considering how fucking big wolves are… How the fuck is Steel like twice his size? Aren't they all Huskies?

  58. deko amvs says:

    I absolutely love this movie I'm wounded in my soul that this movie got to much shit from so many people idk why it gets this much hate it's just a wonderful movie

  59. John Eusebio says:

    Really? You mention all the historical inaccuracies in the movie and you don't mention that the real Balto was a purebred husky that was employed delivering food to workers, and not a wolf-dog outcast by society?

  60. Camilo Garcia Ylasaari says:

    Aunt despair is Tamara's best character

  61. revolver ocelot1991 says:

    Who new Bridget Fonda would than go on to Jackie Brown in 97. Career ups and downs.

  62. Car29 says:

    Critic: you want me to turn around, Nyaahaha.
    Also Critic: you want me to do it again?
    Me: YES!

  63. Official Shadow Freddy says:

    Kevin BACON

  64. Jay Barry says:

    Final Fantasy reference!

  65. Robin Ariens says:

    I knew once nc pulled out his phone what he was going to do

    Also each joke makes either kills me or I wait to the next one but it happens rarley

  66. Captain Jo says:

    Nostalgia Critic what have you been doing with the x men toy

  67. AriochStarr says:

    11:05 "In hindsight I am a pretty dumb bear."

  68. KattyAlli Alchemy CZ says:

    "Don't play in the snow it will someday fight back!!!"

  69. ThrashCat 666 says:

    My favorite Disney movies are Lion King, The fox & the Hound and Balto.

  70. ThrashCat 666 says:

    20:26 I am in tears.

  71. ellie says:

    Feel pretty bad for the real life Togo and the real life Balto

    Togo got the short end of the stick at first, but then people were so bitter about others giving Balto more credit that he went underappreciated for a while

    None of the doggies were to blame

  72. mollywillo says:

    Uncalled for Brother Bear bashing. BROTHER BEAR IS SUPREME

  73. Ase Mui says:

    Critic"don't give kids to keep or ur favorite movies to review u will regret it"

  74. Emma Sigafoos Humphrey the wolf says:

    Will there be a balto 4?

  75. DyersEve says:

    I feel bad for the actual real dog Balto. Everyone ended up hating him for something he had no control over.

  76. Rolyn Georges says:

    Critic is too damn funny. Lol.

  77. Tucker Raschdorf says:

    Last thing I expected in a Balto review was FMA PTSD…. Thanks Critic!

  78. Elomoose hat says:

    Gosh, that scene under the hospital is so beautiful. The lights, the look of worry on their faces, the cobwebs add a wonderful flavor to the scene

  79. Jetro says:

    Nej Komo Nejjjjj

  80. Megatron2000 says:

    What does Doug have against Phil Collins?

  81. Sean Shogun says:

    I don’t want to cause a comment war who am I kidding I do
    I actually like the phill Collins tracks

  82. CourageousSam says:

    Its not kinda true that Balto didnt have as much struggle as Togo maybe had.
    Yes, Togo and his team mastered the longest and maybe more dangerous route, but don't forget, there was a snowstorm which actually really made Baltos team get lost. Balto was supposed to lead the second last team, but they didn't make it to the checkpoint, passed it and ran back all the way to Nome, through the worst storm imaginable. And it was Balto, who found the way back home, not his musher. He told that he had lost orientation during the blizzard and let the dogs do the work.
    It was a miracle that they made it out of there so fast and for that, Balto definitely deserves the credit, BUT I hate how they put his name above all of the others that helped. Its not Baltos fault, if anything, it's the musher who just took the credit without standing up for his fellow teams.
    What an ego….

  83. Snaketooth 09 says:

    I really like this review because even though you point out the movie's flaws like you usually do you in the end admit you liked it, which is a nice change of pace. I liked this review so much I bought and watched the movie! I liked it about as much as you did, so about a 7/10.

  84. Pogadust says:


    Look all I'm saying is that if steel was a human you know all the girls would want a slice

  85. Sander Nielsen says:

    What's the right word for Steele ? A mad dog or a sick puppy.

  86. Yanuchi Uchiha: Anime, Games and Ramdomness says:


  87. Sum Fur Trash says:

    Superhero villains: "I will rob banks and become a billionaire!"
    Fairytale villains: "I have kidnapped the princess and shall rule the kingdom!"
    Steele: "I am going to let dozens of children die just so I can look cool and fuck this girl!"

  88. James J.M.S.S says:

    2:13 Watching this review before Fullmetal Alchemist

    Me: O I am sure it is nothing, I mean come on! It cannot possibly be as heart wrenching as Wolf's Rain spoiler!

    Watches Fullmetal Alchemist and reaches that Episode!

    Me: HOLY CRIST! I'll never hear big brother the same way again!

  89. Miss Mangas says:

    It wasn't the Bear who ruined Brave but Merida's decision. I mean, she literally wanted to brainwashed her mother just because the princess finds Elinor too strict didn't wanted to get married. What a selfish brat! Oh and it puts her mom in danger and almost turned her into an animal for eternity plus the queen was nearly killed by her husband XS The princess choice was cruel and she had no good reason to do it. That's why Merida is a terrible model and shouldn't deserve to be with the other princesses. Mulan saved her country, Pocahontas stopped a war, Kida saved her kingdom, Moana saved her island.They didn't put their parents in danger, theses womens made logical decisions and were kind. Merida did nothing that heroic and she brought troubles, she didn't apologise too for her mistake…if the girl did, it wasn't sincere.

  90. Blood Cotton Candy says:

    Oh the sauce that makes you good at slo-mo leepfrog with me-

    Moving on

    Why can I relate with these characters? What have I become

  91. Shadow Knight Productions says:


  92. Shadow Knight Productions says:

    well she heard it through the wall, more realistic than Balto

  93. Daniel Villalta says:

    Phil Collins 😹😹

  94. Universal Soldier says:

    Thinking about it I always thought that Steele looks like the husky dog version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast the only thing he's missing is Big Dog Muscles.

  95. Good Name says:

    4:28 is just unexplainable

  96. NOTEhead says:

    Holy crap, is that dog at 8:22 real or edited in? Either way, it’s creepy

  97. Wolf Tamer says:

    So we're watching a person telling a story about a review about a movie telling a story about a dog in history… Now this is meta.

  98. Summz McGee says:

    I love all your videos but you missed a lot of the meaning behind this movie.

  99. Trenton Dean says:

    This dude is so annoying.

  100. Mariah Woodland says:

    I don't know when the furries came to be or how they came to this world but I like to think BALTO movies made pplz say huh ya I can dig this shindig I wanna be like the characters in this movie! So they made art costumes and role plays of what it was and when more stuff like BALTO was born they did more stuff alike of dressing up and doing all the other like the in the sort of being just GOT FORSAKEN TRASH!!!!!!

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